I've been fairly lonely lately, for no particular reason. To make¨
things worse, I met two boys, one sweet and far too normal, and the¨
other completely nuts. Why is it worse then? 

Well, the nice boy is gonna be freaked out merely at my existence. I¨
met him when he started working in this restaraunt where I eat 
high-caloric gunk to get started for work. I always said hi to him,¨
and talked the usual nonsense. About two weeks ago I told him I¨
probably won't be back here, my job is ending. So Friday I go back to¨
work for a few hours, stopping for breakfast-gunk, and he comes over¨
to my table and sat down! Wow! This never happens to me! I even had¨
assumed he was straight. I was terribly flattered. So we talk a bit,¨
and exchanged phone numbers (that amazing fag ritual, both wonderful¨
and horrible at the same time\dots). 

He lives in the Avenues (== suburban), and thinks down-town people are¨
normal and good. I'll probably go to a movie with him next week, and¨
when he finds out I'm 36, do wierdo-fag stuff, shoot guns, live in a¨
tin shack, have friends of ambiguous sexuality, do inexplicable¨
technological things all day and don't have a real job, he will flee¨
in terror like most Normals do. 

I could see these things unfold one by one as we talked, and it is¨
depressing, cuz it's like watching a predictable movie with me in it¨
instead of actually living it (where you don't always know what is¨
about to happen).

The other boy, Todd, is a total mess. He's 6' 6", and as skinny as me.¨
Cute, in a deranged sort of way. We met at Klubstitute East; he lives¨
in Berzerkeley. He said ``hi'', I went over and sat next to him, and¨
he sorta grabbed me and started making out {\it immediately}.¨
(Really!) Very retro. After about five minutes of this he jumps up and¨
says, ``I can't do this!'' and runs away. Hmm. Do I smell bad? Etc.¨
Nope. I calmly approach him and say hello again, what's up, did I do¨
anything wrong, etc. No, he just freaked out. OK, no prob I said,¨
let's just be friends, etc. Turns out, he's a total mess (wierdo¨
parents the whole thing) and is all freaked out about sex, friends and¨
all that stuff. So I calmed him down a bit, we parted, and I talked to¨
him a few times over the course of the night. It ended up OK I guess.¨
It felt more like befriending a skittish wild animal in the forest¨
than anything else. So I told him we could go get coffee sometime or¨
something someday. Gave him my phone number, etc.

He actually called me up. First he said what are you doing tonight,¨
then he said I'll call you Saturday. (Huh?!) In the same sentence.¨
Then he calls me at 2AM for phone sex! (I obliged by default I¨
guess\dots) I'm going to Klubstitute East again tonight (it's Saturday¨
10PM now) and I'll probably see him there. I feel like his caseworker¨
or something. Sheesh.

The world is so fucked up. So here's this more or less nice boy,¨
completely fucked in the head by his parental units, his johns, and¨
his wierd ideas about sex and friendship. He eats garbage food, sugar¨
junk and not much else, and he shakes like a leaf all the time. I hope¨
he survives it all.