\input tex \twentypointpunk \input tex Michael -- Hey! You don't have an answering machine! Oh well, it probably saved¨ me money to not leave long boring messages. I am so glad I got to see you when you came through SF. I wish you¨ could have stayed longer. It would be fun to go through the city with¨ someone not from here (even though you've been here before) as it¨ makes me look at the damn place again. Did I tell you I'm putting off my New Mexico move indefinitely. I¨ don't want to leave Greta, Valerie, Deke or Clay, and I like our¨ house. I'm gonna cut a hole in the roof and add a trap door, so I can¨ have air (it gets fucken hot in here in the summer/fall) and that will¨ help the physical place a bit. Hey, I really liked hanging out with you, even though we just partied¨ etc that night, which I'm not usually so hot on. I'm pretty¨ comfortable around you, which is pretty interesting all by itself. That Saturday at SPEW we talked about all sorts of stuff, and you told¨ me a little about Sky (spelling?) and stuff about sex and whatever. I¨ know there's a lot going on in your head and I don't want to meddle.¨ We live so far away, and we met briefly in one weekend, and though I¨ like you a lot and apparently vice versa, I don't expect anything, no¨ matter what I'd selfishly {\it like} to do (Which is hang out with you¨ more). And I'm absolutely not into being pushy in any way, period. So¨ I thought I'd just tell you where I'm at, and you can mention it¨ later, or not. (I hope you will though even if it's just to tell me to¨ shut up!) I like sleeping with you, and it was actually great to not have any¨ sort of sex. Really! What I have been working out, and I told you most¨ of it, is what it is I want, what my relationship to sex is. I jerk¨ off, a {\it lot}. I like it! I no longer fantasize over people and all¨ that (sex energy is a subject all to itself, I'll skip it for now, ask¨ if you care), but for release, for fun, or my own benefit. I can get horny just standing in a room. Sexual pleasure is also¨ simply one of the most intense pleasurable things us humans have, so¨ it gets tied to all sorts of intense things. Like, even just sleeping¨ with someone you like. Then of course there's plain old sexual¨ attraction drives, and all sort of stuff. Mix it together, and you get¨ a confusing mess. I think you're hot, and I like you a lot also. Plus I get horny just¨ because I'm alive. Simply jerking off, together or separately, I think is really mostly¨ what I want. The other stuff, hanging out, talking, joking, cuddling,¨ fooling around, wrestling, whatever, is actually the most fun part.¨ Some people don't consider jerking off ``real sex''. I sure as fuck¨ do! Dicks in butts is great, I guess, but I have a small asshole¨ anyways and it's a lot of effort and sort of requires massive-scale¨ horniness, which I'm certainly capable of, but I'm definitely not¨ really into these days. Never minds its connection to AIDS and all¨ that. Anyways, the togetherness, fun, and masturbation etc is for me the¨ perfect formula I think. I guess I've been sort of stuck on this¨ typical gay idea of having to have complicated sex, when I really¨ don't want to. {\it That} is one of the things I'm getting over. So, I hope this hasn't sounded all serious and grim and shit, cuz it's¨ not to me. I like you a lot, I have no idea what is going to happen,¨ if anything, and I wanted to simply let you know how I feel about you¨ and sex and whatever. OK? Oh yeah, one serious grim buncha shit. Here's where I'm at regarding¨ sex and AIDS and such. I was tested as negative in August, 1987. I had had nothing but ``safe¨ sex'' for about a year before that. I have done nothing but safe-sex¨ since then. Other than my miserable fucking allergies (and asthma,¨ which is nearly gone, and hypoglycemia, aargh) I'm healthy, and I see¨ no reason to get tested again unless something changes. Not likely. You didn't say if you are positive or negative, or even if you know. I¨ will tell you this: while I obviously hope you're negative, it will¨ make no difference to me if you are positive or unknown. I've thought¨ about this a lot. So enough of that. That's all the difficult stuff I've got to say,¨ anyways. My job truly sucks. It's getting worse and worse. The guy I have to¨ work with, Ernie, is about as dull and grim as you can possibly get.¨ And I thought I was cynical! And the guy in charge is an idiot. Or did¨ I tell you all this already. Worse is, it's getting to be long hours, as we're behind (because the¨ idiot engineer doesn't order the stuff we need until the last minute,¨ instead of planning ahead) and so it will mean 70 hour weeks towards¨ April. Oh what fun! Oh well, it will mean a fuckload of money anyways. I won't have any free time until it's over, hopefully before May! Then¨ I'll not be working for hopefully a few months. It would be a good¨ time to come up and visit, if you can stand it. So today I wrote a million fucking letters, two to Teg. I paid bills,¨ and now I'm broke again. Sucks. I'm gonna get another tattoo!!!¨ Fuckyeah! (Always the thing to do when you're broke; spend next¨ month's rent money.) Well, I'm gonna go take a shower, then go over to Clay's house and¨ look at the new program he got for his computer (exciting, huh). Enjoy your overromaticized depressive plight, I'll talk to you¨ later\dots \bye