\input zine.sty \lline{\hl Reliquary} \lline{Henry Bowers, c/o Marc Ruvolo, 1628 W. Ohio, Chicago IL¨ 60622} \medskip %\raggedright {\it Cee-en}\slash as the city\slash could\slash could not\slash¨ pulse -- spires of unwarmed flesh and purple steel\slash ripped¨ her sky\slash fingers protruding through the soiled silk\slash in¨ the world\slash patters unraveling to her feet -- Urban XI wiped¨ grease\slash blood\slash from thin blue lips\slash a napkin¨ dropped\slash forms an ugly pall\slash dripping into the¨ fractures of a papal city -- {\it Cee-en} -- her electric-eyed¨ churches cupped like breasts\slash the papal city. {\it Zi Dingir Kia Kanpa}. Catherine of Cee-en bled from both¨ palms, her eyes reduced to animal slits and her lips touching his¨ universe. {\it Zi Dingir Anna Kanpa}. In the lobe of his ear three star¨ flakes blazed, forming the constellation of his home, imparting a¨ fiery pain, a searing knowledge of space between their lives. And yet, at the touch, the expanses dwindled. John Cultra moved like smoke through the dripping night, his eyes¨ dark gold coins, his flesh and hair surgically tinted to a milky¨ grey-white. {\it Cee-en} arrayed herself about him, spider¨ fingers of concrete piercing the ground, coalescing the dead past¨ faces at her fingertips to move their lips soundlessly on the¨ cracked streets around him. Death moved through Cultra's limbs, breaking his back, trickling¨ the blood down his face and over his lips. He could no longer¨ understand what he had lost, could not see exactly what it was;¨ could not put it into coherent speech. Cultra placed his¨ fingertips at his temples and willed the pain to increase -- his¨ distant mother spoke: you will be pacing an irregularly shaped¨ room, perhaps an askew ``L'' shape: and you will be leading a¨ double life; both for people you love. And words like love and¨ courage will eat at your mind because you don't believe in a¨ heart or soul, and you will realize that your life of love and¨ courage and truth is as fragile as ice or glass; transparent, and¨ can never survive a world of unmanned machinery and¨ bloodlessness. And you will look out a window laves with metal¨ threads. You will see the sky. There is no more, no more. ``The Christ-Child lay on Mary's lap, his hair was like a¨ light\dots'' The half-choked words rolled like syrup in the false¨ dawn. `` O weary, weary, were but here is all aright\dots'' Daguerreotype flashes of pale memory -- heaps of plastic armor¨ burned in the distance, frozen corpse's hands reaching from a¨ makeshift grave to the cradle of the sooty moon -- it was a low,¨ dark group of concrete hovels -- automatic weapons fire, cracking¨ read, splintering breath\slash ragged tatters of blood. John Cultra clutched at his stomach and rolled onto his back. A¨ groan of cutting pain escaped his parched lips as a fresh wash of¨ blood drooled between his fingers from the six-centimeter rip in¨ his groin. ``O weary, weary is the world, but here the world's¨ desire\dots'' Cultra drew the fingers of his free hand through¨ his spiked yellow hair and licked the blood and saliva from his¨ sharpened teeth, his left thigh twitched uncontrollably -- the¨ flechette lodged in his lower abdomen was dissolving, releasing¨ its debilitating poison. (A red dark light in the sky (will it come soon\slash bathing¨ small faces? life always thrives in shadow, will we find death in¨ its light fingers over eyes?) rising) {\it We will find the one¨ truth we will understand the one light}, hungry faces, worn¨ fabric, and pale spikes, heightening, grasping near to death,¨ chemical infused limbs. {\it One light to guide our eyes and¨ minds.} Two stark spotlights outlines John Cultra before the¨ masses. The half collapsed building threw strict, jagged shadows.¨ {\it Their fucking god, and Catherine his bitch, they say} {\it¨ their fucking god is everywhere.} Trembling palms upward to the¨ baby pink sky. {\it See our light false god and slut Catherine,¨ all pervading.} Eyes alight. {\it all-truth}, Cultra's spade-like¨ knife drove down into the waiting stomach, seven million minds¨ followed him down. {\it Something to finally and} {\it ultimately¨ believe in.} Shallow screams and the night exploded into blue. Light from the street pushed its way past the dirt of the window,¨ a murky rectangle of dim held onto the firm curve of his back as¨ he pushed gentle then fierce into me. I wanted him because he was¨ mine, do you know what I mean? It always was better and better¨ because he was mine, when it pleased him kind of, no it really¨ made me feel fucking good, like the joining of two worn parts. I¨ traced the rectangle and my breath hurt in my throat. I looked at¨ his face and it was screwed up into an expression of pain and¨ pleasure -- brown freckles across his scrunched up nose and head¨ shorn smooth to a fraction of an inch grit-blonde fuzz. Jealousy¨ was our love. It tied us together tightly, made constrictingly¨ delicious with mutual selfish gratification. It was easier to be¨ together than apart. We looked out for each other. His whole body¨ tensed and a little bead of sweat dripped near his navel as he¨ came his breath rushing out between his teeth. ``Shit'' he said¨ and flopped down beside me in the browned mattress. ``Sorry'' I said. ``No'' he turned on his side and put his damp arm across my¨ chest, ``I mean shit, that was great.'' He smiled and closed his¨ eyes. I put my hand on his head, ``Anytime.'' I coughed hard. He slid¨ closer resting his head on my shoulder. His firm stomach rose and¨ fell erratically, he didn't open his eyes. I stared at the dusty¨ window, I was still speeding so sleep probably wouldn't come to¨ me for a little while. I rubbed a little dried blood off his¨ shoulder and drew him closer for warmth. As I slipped away the¨ words on the wall opposite the mattress blurred: \vskip\parskip {\parskip=0pt \centerline{Bastard i would rape him if} \centerline{i had the chance} \centerline{i would make him cry out in agony} \centerline{for all the things that i never had} \centerline{for his good looks and his hatred of me i} \centerline{would throw him down and} \centerline{stare into his eyes until} \centerline{he cried and washed my} \centerline{hands clean of contempt} } Sleep came slowly rushing after. No. No. No. No. Reject I reject them all. Crush this sick pitying¨ faith. No. Never. I am God. We are God. Power is in our minds and¨ hands. We will kill and claw and push ourselves to the pinnacles¨ of this universe or else embrace oblivion, drive it into¨ ourselves guided by our silent red star. The star that will burn¨ us into freedom. The bestial species rending the ideas of¨ morality and tradition minds must momentarily divert to move fuck¨ fuck fuck lips and eyes twitching in ruthlessness fuck fuck fuck:¨ Darkness fell like sand, the southern part of {\it Cee-en} lit¨ with fire as the rioting and martial law entered its three­ hundred-and-fifty-ninth day. Inter-colony travel crawled to a¨ near standstill as three vessels were seriously damaged my¨ terrorist controlled thermal explosions. Urban XI petitions¨ Catherine with urgent requests for any resolution she might have¨ for the current unrest. Glass-shard smoke curled in the sky and the air bit flesh with¨ poison. The glorious beginning approaches. Laughter and acid. Strips of wooden board floor buckling up to form lumps thick dirt¨ between them the molding spray painted black or brown from one¨ room to the next light gently fading into opaque in one a girl we¨ don't know she is writing carefully on the wall in marker on a¨ semi-blank portion of the wall use this to test yourselves ladies¨ and gentlemen a quick thrust there now don't you feel sweet? All¨ over on every wall is writing on paint crayon marker, when I talk¨ to you my mind hurts it says above the door and next to it a¨ green crayon christ exploding with geometrical shafts of light¨ and beneath it in childish scrawl that is from the book the book¨ the book the book liquor and pale cigarette smoke wreath us as we¨ sit I feel the warmth of his thigh boots on the boards backs¨ against the dark I watch his lips as he gulps from a brown glass¨ bottle a long drawn tempo is being beat by Boneless who has been¨ tripping since nine I can feel his eyes on me just like I can¨ feel his thigh and knee pressing closer. Squib nods as he passes -- hey John -- his eyes lower for a¨ moment, his lips grow taut. The twilight of the high-ceilinged¨ room begins to haze like waves of bone heat. A distant hand¨ begins to knead muscles of his neck which constrict and relax¨ like the coils of a snake. I can feel my patience grinding its¨ teeth into my wrist, pushing that hand to move, to live. An¨ orange stream begins in the pit of my stomach, absorbing outward,¨ filling the empty in my bones. I float, ride, given over totally¨ to its chilling softness. Only in flashes can I understand any¨ truth presented to me. It breaks sharply, suddenly; shearing off wobbling away -- \vskip\parskip {\parskip=0pt \centerline{you are sick.} \centerline{you are lunatic.} \centerline{you are criminal.} } \vskip\parskip I hold him loosely in my arms. I finally understand. {\it She wished she could stop sleeping.} The colony linkages¨ were showing strain but sleep was becoming addictive; lovers in¨ sixteen colony matrices had expressed their anxiety -- profits¨ were dipping dangerously low. Catherine pulsed reassuring¨ messages out to three especially jittery linkages, she soothed¨ them, held them gentle and aware. {\it If that bastard Urban¨ could just show a little spine for once.} The only fucking word¨ he knew was {\it more}. More money, more relics, more¨ mercenaries. She could hear her eyes shut, her fingers tearing¨ the tangles in her long hair; there was no cause to be seen, they¨ wanted nothing but her. It had gone far beyond cause, religious¨ or otherwise. They just wanted her, to see her fall. {\it Vacuum¨ and lips sucked lightly all over her flesh.} A light in the sky,¨ a chuckle pulled thickly at her throat, where the hell do they¨ get that drivel? Any fanaticism but my own is really sickening.¨ She laughed this time her body jerking. The psychic love of¨ Catherine roiled shrieking over known-space. Cultra coughed and cleared his throat, slinking his fingers¨ through his greased black hair, ``The light glows in a hard fine¨ way tonight." He pressed the waxy flesh of his arm. ``It's¨ ours.'' ``I know.'' the boy said from the bed his hand coming down again¨ and again on his tight bare stomach causing a flushed welt to¨ appear. His glazed eyes did not look up. Cultra removed the black stiff tunic of his party uniform,¨ ``Where are they?'' he said looking at the boy reclined upon the¨ bed who then placed a small plastic pill bottle on his stomach¨ over the welt. Cultra removed his tough cloth pants and heavy mud-stained boots.¨ ``The light will enter upon us, free us you know. More than you¨ ever imagined, more than you ever could imagine.'' Cultra¨ straddled the boy on the bed and slowly removed his ripped,¨ stained jeans. The boy did not look at him, ``I love you,'' he whispered as he¨ gulped the pills down one by one until they were gone. ``I know.'' Cultra mumbled, touching his chest gingerly, ``I¨ won't hurt you.'' ``I know.'' the boy said quietly. Cultra made love to him until the boy's limbs grew stiff and¨ cool, his muscles silent. Cultra covered the body and left it. Left what little of himself¨ remained in this world. The night sky outside was cold and clean,¨ jet and adorned with fine points of white eyes. All of them watched his as he walked the narrow street, his boots¨ carrying him forward. He looked upward and caught the wind; she¨ was out there somewhere, waiting to be entered by his icy vacuum,¨ waiting for the beautiful kiss that only he alone could deliver.¨ He pulled his long coat more tightly about him as the wind¨ shouted his name. \bye