Tool
Undertow
Zoo Entertainment

  Desperate situations come a dime a dozen. Because of one I ended
up drunk on Southern Comfort, laying in a pool of my own vomit in
the middle of Fishmerman's Wharf. I didn't care what anyone thought
of me, nor what happened to me. I was a few months past my
nineteenth birthday. One year past how long I long I thought I would
live. I was completely lost in the realization first time in my life,
the only person that I was obligated to show any kind of
responsibility to, was myself. And I didn't give a rat's ass about
anyone or anything, and had no real reason to. The freeway to pure
fucking id had been built, and showed no hope of closing down
anytime soon.

  I received the Tool CD not too long ago. Previous exposure to the
band, was a really disturbing claymation video for the song 'Sober'
which left me with the feeling that the band was onto something.
When I put the CD on, I discovered that it isn't a cd, it's an evil
mind-program. The first song, 'Intolerance' opens with this strange
noise I haven't been able to identify. The gurgling sound of air
being forced down the drain, that has a rotting dead rat clogging
it's pipes perhaps. I'm not sure. the exact sound is rather a moot
point though. The WAY it's used is what's effective. The sound is
set at such a low level, that it forces you to turn the volume up
to hear it, in all of it's audio oozing. Ten seconds later, your
ass is on the floor. Those three opening notes are right on top of
you, driving a needle right into your skull. Right straight into
your id. It's a sado-masochist's nightmare of the worst degree. The
baddest acid trip you've ever flipped out on. The sound of jail
doors slamming shut. The sight of a close family relative falling
pants, after they've just beaten you into submission. This isn't
role playing. Shit, this is real. FUCKING GAD, THIS REAL, AND I
AIN'T GETTING OUT OFF IT.

  Sure, at any time, you can get up, and turn the damn thing off.
But it's like a really gory accident. You j u s t  h a v e  t o
s e e, and I'm glad I did. Not since Lemmy decided that there was
nothing wrong with attaching a small nuclear detonation device to
his bass, has the bass been given the frontal attention it
deserves. The whole album crawls through broken glass, spilt beer,
and stale piss chanting over and over "You lie/cheat and steal/You
lie/ cheat and steal." The nightmare of the whole song, is the
simple realization that that bloody, scab covered thing crawling
twards you...is you. Yep, it's you, crawling right up your leg
screaming "No one's innocent!" You can feel a grip around your neck
tightening


  But whoa there Jim-Bob, you ain't getting off that easy. No
sirree. That was only stage one. One single song. There are ten
tracks on this CD, not counting the untitled bonus track that sound
as if it was lifted from Henry: A Portrait Of A Serial Killer.

 Did I mention the visual artwork that's included in the CD? Nope
I didn't. Guess I better. The front cover is a surrealistic form
that could either be fingers, or ribs. It's surealistic, so you
make your own judgements as to what the hell it is. To me, though,
it's kind of a "he-he-he, wait until you see what we have inside
for you. he-he-he." Opening it up, you see a pig, with the word
"Undertow" shaved into it. It's surrounded by forks. The forks are
all business end up, giving the appearance that the pig is impaled
on the forks, and happy to be there. Further into the fold, we find
the usual credits, right next to an x-ray picture of someone with
a neon tube shoved up their rectum. Turn the page, and you'll find
a nude picture of a very very obese person sleeping on black
velvet. Is this person male? Female? Does it really matter? It
doesn't. Because when you open up the fold again, you get the same
person lovingly embracing a nude man. The two seem to be almost
falling. Unfold one more time. Here we have pictures of the band
members. before any Rock and roll band ever has picture taken of
themselves, they should be forced to look at these band photos ala
Clockwork Orange. There isn't any "rock-star" posing in these
pictures. The photos are SO DAMN nightmarish, no words in the
english language can even come close to describing them. They go
perfectly with the music on the cd though, complimenting each
other, in their own way. As an extra bonus, they included the
picture that was subsequently banned as their album cover. A very
grotesque cow liking it's anus. In order to see it, though, you
have to figure out how to open up the back casing.

  This is just in case you skipped the above self-indulgent blather
spewed forth above. In a nutshell, if Undertow isn't in your music
collection, seek professional help. There's something wrong with
you.